There’s a distressed squirrel under my bathtub

Just wanted to share.

They get into the dormer at the back of the house through a hole in the fascia. I had all the gutters replaced last year, and the workmen carefully preserved the entrance hole the squirrels had chewed for themselves. Um, thanks.

So, the little fucker has crawled up into the enclosure around the tub, where he’s currently holed up, barking and moaning. Unhappy squirrels make very strange noises. Which echo and reverberate off the porcelain fixtures and tile walls. Until a morning shower becomes a journey into the dark heart of madness — madness, I tell you!

There’s an access panel to the tub enclosure, which I have opened. I can’t see him, so he’s under the floorboards, but I left the hatch off hoping the cats would investigate. They’re curled up happily near the opening, enjoying the music, but seem disinclined to take further action. Probably just as well. I’m not convinced they could take a distressed adult squirrel. I’m pretty sure all those squirrel bits Damien brings in (three tails and counting!) were roadkill he scraped up somewhere.

A damaged distressed squirrel loose in the house is what the insurance company calls “very bad homeowner mojo. “


  1. nbpundit
    Posted January 10, 2007 at 1:19 pm | Permalink


  2. Posted January 10, 2007 at 3:42 pm | Permalink

    I wish I could write as well and creatively as you do, I come to this blog every day just for fun and because it’s so interesting. If I had half your talent I’d have twice the hits I do already.

  3. Posted January 10, 2007 at 8:17 pm | Permalink

    Wow, Christopher — you got caught up in the Akismet spam filter. I wonder why. Short and complimentary, I guess.

    And…you’ve got to be kidding me! I’m amazed (daily) at the quantity and thoughtfulness of your output. You underestimated yourself, making your blog about other people’s comments — your original content is as good as it gets.

    That’s why I’m a Wiggly Worm in the TTLB ecosystem and you’re, like, a Jaunty Lemur or an Enlightened Rhesus or an Adorable Meerkat…or whatever.

    When one actually has a squirrel in one’s plumbing, creativity is not required.

  4. Posted January 11, 2007 at 4:17 pm | Permalink

    You’ll take your compliment and like it!

  5. Posted January 11, 2007 at 6:44 pm | Permalink

    I know what you mean about those squirrel noises, they are freakin’ bizarre. Good luck with that, hope it doesn’t die in there and stink up the place. The other day my dog, who is just about the size of a squirrel, brought me a trophy: an entire squirrel’s leg, dismembered at the hip. What a treat.

  6. Posted January 11, 2007 at 7:39 pm | Permalink

    No, I think he’s just unlucky at love. I have a whole colony in there (well, several, anyhow), and I hear them playing dominance games in the ceiling. This poor guy is probably beta squirrel…or omega squirrel, even.

    I bail them out every year with my squirrel trap and let them go in the woods, but it’s a little late in the season to screw with this lot.

  7. Distressed Squirrel
    Posted January 11, 2007 at 7:46 pm | Permalink

    Eh, it’s not so bad. I get fresh water whenever the shower runs. Would it freakin kill you to throw some squirrel chow behind the access panel?

  8. Posted January 13, 2007 at 12:32 am | Permalink

    Unhappy squirrels make very strange noises

    Given his mating situation, maybe that’s happy squirrel noises he’s making. I mean, he’s gotta have release somehow right? You sure he’s not pervin on you through the drain?

  9. Posted January 16, 2007 at 3:24 pm | Permalink

    I was astonished at the level of damage that can be inflicted in a home if a squirrel gets inside. They’re tough little boogers.

  10. Posted January 16, 2007 at 4:23 pm | Permalink

    Yeah, I think I remember hearing something like $20,000 in one squirrel-related act of vandalism. Though I may be confusing that with the old lady who blasted her own kitchen to hell with a shotgun trying to get at one. She got it, and she wasn’t a bit sorry about her methods.

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