S. Weasel, habitual liar

The devil controls them by radar? WTF?! Can you think of a paramilitary operation best undertaken in tropical swimwear? Imagine a stray shell casing flies out and lodges someplace…cleavagey. Those suckers burn. You’d be all jumping and jiving and “Oooo! I am so going to shoot you when I stop jiggling and squealing!”


Okay, so I was browsing through this collection of Cool and Whacky Records, which I found via this guy’s blog. I want to get the attributions right, because I try to be good about these things and that’s not actually what I want to talk about. I found myself signing up to Flickr to make a smartass comment and, after I got over the shock that “stoatyweasel” was already taken, it occurred to me…

…there is not ever one scrap of truth in any of the information I give when I sign up for free online accounts. False name, false zip code. I add a few years or shave a few off my age. Give myself a raise. Shyly experiment with gender. Never the same profile twice.

I understand that they’re offering me a free service and giving them my demographic data is the least I can do to pay them back, but the paranoiac in me refuses to leave such an obvious breadcrumb trail across the interweb. One of these days, they’re going to suck all this data up into a giant database somewhere, and…and…all the masks come off at midnight.

A friend of mine used to say, “nobody’s looking at you.” By which she meant, “you could strip naked, douse yourself with gasoline, shove a roman candle up your ass and go out like a Boston Pops Summer performance of the 1812 Overture and nobody would give a flying fuck.” To which Malachi Ritscher nodded crisply.

Some people utterly fail to appreciate my place in the scheme of things.


  1. geoff
    Posted January 3, 2007 at 1:02 am | Permalink

    “…nodded crisply.” Naughty, S. But funny.

  2. nbpundit
    Posted January 3, 2007 at 4:39 pm | Permalink

    A weasely roman candle?
    On yer way out, turn off the lights please.

  3. Posted January 9, 2007 at 4:03 pm | Permalink

    Thanks for best laugh of the day. Wow.

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