The Physics of Boobies

Picture to yourself the classic pinup of a naked lady in full, feline stretch, with her arms locked behind her head. If you ever see this for real, in the wild, you must not allow the lady to lower her arms. To demonstrate why, we will need a diagram.

Imagine a bowling ball with a hole drilled through it (the boobie), resting against a box (the torso), connected to a string (the pectoralis muscle). The string is tied to a stick (the arm bone). When the stick is raised, the ball rolls upward. When the stick is lowered, down goes the ball. Thusly:

boobie.jpg

It’s true. Boobies that are perky when they lady’s arms are relaxed at her sides are, indeed, perky boobies. Boobies that appear perky when the lady’s arms are above her head are highly suspect and likely droopy. Boobies both large and natural are often extremely gravity-challenged in this way. Which is how that came to be the classic cheesecake pose.

Sorry droopy-boobied ladies. I have a diagram. That makes it science. And nobody can argue with science!

To see how this works in the real-world, here’s an artist’s reconstruction:

boobies.jpg

The lady on the left, her boobies are perky and cheerful. The lady on the right has sad, droopy boobies. The difference? There isn’t one! It’s the same lady! And she slept with the president!

In conclusion, someone told me if I posted pictures of boobies, I’d get lots of traffic.

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7 Comments

  1. Posted December 17, 2006 at 7:38 am | Permalink

    So if I walk around with my hands over my head, my man boobs will be perkier? Sweet.

    Wait… Is that how French women got the reputation of being hawt?

    “In conclusion, someone told me if I posted pictures of boobies, I’d get lots of traffic.”

    Worked on me.

  2. Posted December 17, 2006 at 5:22 pm | Permalink

    YESSS!!!! I am currently the #1 Google hit on the phrase “droopy boobies.” At last, the fame I knew I should be mine!

  3. Enas Yorl
    Posted December 18, 2006 at 6:18 pm | Permalink

    Err, slight flaw in your example picture. In the perky boobed one you will notice that while her right arm is raised, her left arm is down. Furhter notice that both boobies remain in a state of relative perkiness. Unless you are proposing that women need only to raise one arm to achieve the desired state for both boobies. In which case I’m going to have to require that you show the math.

  4. Posted December 20, 2006 at 7:31 am | Permalink

    Well, the arched back contributes to the effect, and that is bilateral. But I call your attention to a characteristic I call Lax Nipple Syndrome on the left boobie. In a genuinely perky booby, the arms-upraised position will stretch the nipple into an oval. If the nipple remains circular or relaxed, it speaks to droopage.

    This lady was, of course, quite young when the photo was taken and, to be fair, had, by virtue of the elasticity youth, merely nascently droopy boobies. It was irresistable to use such a famous example, however imperfect.

    I’m afraid I left my equations in my other pants.

  5. jojo
    Posted November 22, 2010 at 2:12 pm | Permalink

    can u put up more pics of boobs

  6. Sleazy man
    Posted November 28, 2010 at 3:11 pm | Permalink

    Why, yes!
    You did get traffic to your site for the booby pic.
    And physics plus boobies equals epic win.

  7. Guggiggyg
    Posted January 14, 2011 at 6:30 pm | Permalink

    That’s Marilyn Monroe, I’ve seen pics of her naked with her arms down and her boobs look nothing like the recreation one.


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